hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
