i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
