Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
