There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
