How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
