Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
