Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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