I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
