Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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