I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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