During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
