I just threw up on my dentist
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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