do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
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