I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
