is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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