Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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