i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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