I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
