are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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