i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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