I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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