I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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