i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
