I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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