loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
