Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
