My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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