Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
