My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
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she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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