What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ttyl tear gas
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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