shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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