I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
