Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
