Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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