i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sorry my hands just texted you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
