People in love make me want to vomit
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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