Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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