i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
