What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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