yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
