Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
