Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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