i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i came on her dog
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
