Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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