you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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