As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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