I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
