Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
