Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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