My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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