I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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