We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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