I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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