I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
