who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize