Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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