I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
