Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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