Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
