I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
