that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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