You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
