Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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