dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
