he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
