Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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