At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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