Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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