I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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