hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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