how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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