I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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