An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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