But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It was confusing and full of hummus
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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