I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
