Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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