You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
