life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
