maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
