Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i dont even know how to be here
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
