If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i think im in europe. pls send help
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
